On my way to coaching one of my classes tonight I witnessed a bike crash. Actually, it was more of a car slamming into a bike. Before I go on, the man hit by the car was okay, but I didn't linger too long. I was about twenty meters behind the accident when it happened and I didn't even see the car hit the bike, I just heard the collision and looked up. I'm not sure if I actually saw the guy in the air or that's what my mind thinks it saw to put an action to the noise, but I certainly saw the guy on the ground. When he stood up, I saw that the man was in his 50s or 60s. He didn't seem all that angry, but that's normal in China. It might have to do directly with having face in public, but there might be other cultural factors at work that I don't know about.
Anyway, he stood up and stared down the car. Now, I kind of feel for the driver because the driver did have a green turn light and the crosswalk for the bicyclist light was clearly red. It was dark and the man on the bike was wearing dark clothing. But this is China so red lights really just mean slow down before continuing. Driving in this country must be exhausting. So the man stands up, stares down the car and starts saying something. But the way he said it, to me at least, did not suggest the degree of the accident. He spoke to the car as if he was explaining to it that it could not go down a one way road the wrong way. The driver got out of the car and kind of looked a little shocked. He was smiling a little but I think out of embarrassment more than anything else. I saw him point to the light and say that it was red but I didn't stay to see what happened because I had to get to class.
Class was going smoothly for a while until one of the water breaks. The biggest cause of disturbance in my classes are kids who fight over "their" basketball. All of the basketballs we use are provided by Show1 and are the exact same model and age, some are a little more scuffed than other but there's literally almost zero difference. During the water break I was playing keep away with a kid near the sideline when I looked over to the middle of the court and saw one of my assistant coaches restraining one of the Chinese kids from running and fighting another one. For the uninitiated, this may seem a little extreme, but that's how these durn younguns are these days in China. Or at least the younger ones that come to show1 class. Anyway, I saw the assistant coaching talking to the kid and the kid looking away and not really listening. This kid who I'll call Matt is notoriously one of the bigger trouble makers I've coached. He's one of the more untalented and uncoordinated kids in my class and doesn't like to listen at all. He's 9 years old. So, I see the assistant coach walk away from Matt, and this is my point of view for what I saw and what I said in my head next.
Matt walks towards a ball.
Me - 'please pick it up and go shoot.'
Matt picks up the ball and scans the floor.
Me - 'please be looking for a different ball.'
Matt hones in on the other kids who's looking the other way.
Me - 'uh oh'
Matt walks a few feet away from him, winds up and hurls the ball at the back of the kid's head.
What made this worse was the kid he threw the ball at is one of the nicer, quieter, and gentler students. There are other students who it would have made more sense to me if he had thrown the ball at, not that it would have been any better, but this really was just the icing on the cake. At this point I was already walking quickly over so it didn't take long for me to arrive. I grabbed Matt by his wrist and walked him over to the corner of the gym near where the parents were and told him to stay there.
I was a little bit conflicted because I wanted to lay into Matt a little bit because I thought it should be pretty obvious you don't go around throwing balls really hard at other kids' heads. But I realized I didn't know how to properly say what I wanted in Chinese and he wouldn't understand what I was saying in English, so I just told him to stay there. Eventually (I think his grandfather) came over to talk to him. I couldn't really tell what he was telling him or how because I had to coach the class. At one point one of the Show1 marketing guys (who is a really good guy and has had my back more than most people at Show1) came to talk to me to ask what happened. I told him and he went over to talk to Matt and his grandfather. Not soon after I heard Matt screaming and crying so I moved class to the other sideline to do drills away from the commotion. At the end of class, I always play a scrimmage game that the kids goes absolutely ape shit over. Of course, when I start this game, I can see the grandfather trying to usher Matt back toward the court. I'm a little shocked at first, and then I see the marketing guy look at me like, 'what should I do?' At this point the shock gave way to a little bit of frustrated anger that the grandfather would think it was okay for Matt to come back for the fun game at the end after what had happened, so I just put up my hand and shook my head.
After class was over the marketing guy came over to me and told me that when he had been trying to talk to Matt that Matt had cursed at him and called him a dog, which in Chinese has quite a worse meaning than it does in English. He told me that Matt's mother was coming and he wanted me to talk to her. She, like many of the parents of the kids at our camps, spoke pretty good English. She said that she was sorry, and then went on to explain that Matt is overly sensitive to what other kids say and do because he is not very good. I told her that I understood and explained that this isn't the first time a conflict involving Matt had occurred, it was only the most egregious one. That most of the problems that occur in the class had the common variable of Matt. She said she understood again and then spoke to Matt again. At this point the marketing man pulled me aside and asked me if Matt had apologized to me or the kid whose head he threw the ball at. I told him Matt hadn't. He then told me Matt hadn't apologized to him either.
Then it dawned on me, his mom (and probably the grandfather as well) viewed Matt as the victim. The way the mom explained that Matt sought out the other boy and blasted him in the back of the head while he wasn't looking, was in self defense. Matt never apologized for the incident, to me, to the marketing man who he called a dog, or to the other student. I didn't even bother trying to make him apologize to the other student when it happened because dealing with Matt and trying to make him see a mistake, listen, or do something when he doesn't want to do it, just doesn't work and it wastes time.
But as I sit here and write out what happened, I realized that I can't really blame Matt, he's just a kid. Kids are quite naive and I believe quite simply for the most part they are a product of parenting and their environment. If you teach a kid he can do whatever he wants, what do you think the results going to be when he gets really angry? Matt is this type of kid, a kid who, when he throws a ball as hard as he can at the back of another unsuspecting kid (who was also smaller than him) is coddled by his parents. He was probably told that it was wrong to do that, but I've found a lot of the time tone is more important than content when it comes to kids. If I had seen the mom talking to Matt out of context and was told what had occurred I would have thought Matt was the one who was hit by the ball. I was upset with Matt before class, but after I got home and thought about it, I wasn't angry at him because I believe most of the blame lies with his parents.
This isn't the first kid I've seen like this. He's the kind of kid who can do no wrong, who gets toweled off by his mother during water breaks and fed sweets after class. The kind of kid who is programmed to believe that he can do or have whatever he wants. Who won't listen to me or the assistant coaches. Who inflicts pain on other kids he's angry at and is treated like the victim. He is, very simply, a perfect example of the growing problem in China that I believe could have serious ramifications in the future: a little emperor.
Anyway, he stood up and stared down the car. Now, I kind of feel for the driver because the driver did have a green turn light and the crosswalk for the bicyclist light was clearly red. It was dark and the man on the bike was wearing dark clothing. But this is China so red lights really just mean slow down before continuing. Driving in this country must be exhausting. So the man stands up, stares down the car and starts saying something. But the way he said it, to me at least, did not suggest the degree of the accident. He spoke to the car as if he was explaining to it that it could not go down a one way road the wrong way. The driver got out of the car and kind of looked a little shocked. He was smiling a little but I think out of embarrassment more than anything else. I saw him point to the light and say that it was red but I didn't stay to see what happened because I had to get to class.
Class was going smoothly for a while until one of the water breaks. The biggest cause of disturbance in my classes are kids who fight over "their" basketball. All of the basketballs we use are provided by Show1 and are the exact same model and age, some are a little more scuffed than other but there's literally almost zero difference. During the water break I was playing keep away with a kid near the sideline when I looked over to the middle of the court and saw one of my assistant coaches restraining one of the Chinese kids from running and fighting another one. For the uninitiated, this may seem a little extreme, but that's how these durn younguns are these days in China. Or at least the younger ones that come to show1 class. Anyway, I saw the assistant coaching talking to the kid and the kid looking away and not really listening. This kid who I'll call Matt is notoriously one of the bigger trouble makers I've coached. He's one of the more untalented and uncoordinated kids in my class and doesn't like to listen at all. He's 9 years old. So, I see the assistant coach walk away from Matt, and this is my point of view for what I saw and what I said in my head next.
Matt walks towards a ball.
Me - 'please pick it up and go shoot.'
Matt picks up the ball and scans the floor.
Me - 'please be looking for a different ball.'
Matt hones in on the other kids who's looking the other way.
Me - 'uh oh'
Matt walks a few feet away from him, winds up and hurls the ball at the back of the kid's head.
What made this worse was the kid he threw the ball at is one of the nicer, quieter, and gentler students. There are other students who it would have made more sense to me if he had thrown the ball at, not that it would have been any better, but this really was just the icing on the cake. At this point I was already walking quickly over so it didn't take long for me to arrive. I grabbed Matt by his wrist and walked him over to the corner of the gym near where the parents were and told him to stay there.
I was a little bit conflicted because I wanted to lay into Matt a little bit because I thought it should be pretty obvious you don't go around throwing balls really hard at other kids' heads. But I realized I didn't know how to properly say what I wanted in Chinese and he wouldn't understand what I was saying in English, so I just told him to stay there. Eventually (I think his grandfather) came over to talk to him. I couldn't really tell what he was telling him or how because I had to coach the class. At one point one of the Show1 marketing guys (who is a really good guy and has had my back more than most people at Show1) came to talk to me to ask what happened. I told him and he went over to talk to Matt and his grandfather. Not soon after I heard Matt screaming and crying so I moved class to the other sideline to do drills away from the commotion. At the end of class, I always play a scrimmage game that the kids goes absolutely ape shit over. Of course, when I start this game, I can see the grandfather trying to usher Matt back toward the court. I'm a little shocked at first, and then I see the marketing guy look at me like, 'what should I do?' At this point the shock gave way to a little bit of frustrated anger that the grandfather would think it was okay for Matt to come back for the fun game at the end after what had happened, so I just put up my hand and shook my head.
After class was over the marketing guy came over to me and told me that when he had been trying to talk to Matt that Matt had cursed at him and called him a dog, which in Chinese has quite a worse meaning than it does in English. He told me that Matt's mother was coming and he wanted me to talk to her. She, like many of the parents of the kids at our camps, spoke pretty good English. She said that she was sorry, and then went on to explain that Matt is overly sensitive to what other kids say and do because he is not very good. I told her that I understood and explained that this isn't the first time a conflict involving Matt had occurred, it was only the most egregious one. That most of the problems that occur in the class had the common variable of Matt. She said she understood again and then spoke to Matt again. At this point the marketing man pulled me aside and asked me if Matt had apologized to me or the kid whose head he threw the ball at. I told him Matt hadn't. He then told me Matt hadn't apologized to him either.
Then it dawned on me, his mom (and probably the grandfather as well) viewed Matt as the victim. The way the mom explained that Matt sought out the other boy and blasted him in the back of the head while he wasn't looking, was in self defense. Matt never apologized for the incident, to me, to the marketing man who he called a dog, or to the other student. I didn't even bother trying to make him apologize to the other student when it happened because dealing with Matt and trying to make him see a mistake, listen, or do something when he doesn't want to do it, just doesn't work and it wastes time.
But as I sit here and write out what happened, I realized that I can't really blame Matt, he's just a kid. Kids are quite naive and I believe quite simply for the most part they are a product of parenting and their environment. If you teach a kid he can do whatever he wants, what do you think the results going to be when he gets really angry? Matt is this type of kid, a kid who, when he throws a ball as hard as he can at the back of another unsuspecting kid (who was also smaller than him) is coddled by his parents. He was probably told that it was wrong to do that, but I've found a lot of the time tone is more important than content when it comes to kids. If I had seen the mom talking to Matt out of context and was told what had occurred I would have thought Matt was the one who was hit by the ball. I was upset with Matt before class, but after I got home and thought about it, I wasn't angry at him because I believe most of the blame lies with his parents.
This isn't the first kid I've seen like this. He's the kind of kid who can do no wrong, who gets toweled off by his mother during water breaks and fed sweets after class. The kind of kid who is programmed to believe that he can do or have whatever he wants. Who won't listen to me or the assistant coaches. Who inflicts pain on other kids he's angry at and is treated like the victim. He is, very simply, a perfect example of the growing problem in China that I believe could have serious ramifications in the future: a little emperor.
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